today i made a list of my belongings that i could possibly sell.
there's my computer, my books, records, cloths, and sewing supplies.
when i think about being away from my things for two years (as i have envisioned this tour to take two years of my life) i think, yeah, why the fuck would i want to keep on these silly things.
also, it brings up a lot fo thoughts about what happens after I get back. do i just enter into regular momoko life? living in my alberta house, volunteering at bike farm and having a pleasant garden? or will i continue to travel and check in with collectives i visited while on tour, and see what else i can do to help? certainly my life will have changed. planning for what happens after feels odd and pointless, which is weird for me, i've always got my life planned 3 years in advance...
but back to the items to sell,
clothing, seems like a obvious sale. the stuff might not even fit me the same way anymore. styles, if i paid attention to that stuff, would have changed. but is the $100 that i might get for my whole closet worth the possibility of letting go of something meaningful. But maybe it's not the $100 i'm looking for, maybe it's the liberation.
when i left for australia, i gave away 50% of my clothing. for the past 9 months i've easily survived off a suitcase of cloths, and for the past 2 months (while traveling the US) i have had just 3 outfits. i'm practicing for tour. it's fun. i just bought super cool underwear (exofficio) that supposably you don't really have to wash, and when you do, (every few days) it drys in less than an hour. what if that was just the underwear i own. i guess the draw back is costume. I love costume and you can't really do that with 3 outfits.
weather of course also gets in the way. though i have found that with a good pair of wool tights, i can be warm thro a lot.
man, i'm no writer. and i do think i ought to be more discerning than what i would normally write on livejournal.
but enough self doubt. i want a place to write this. to go on and on about what socks to bring on tour. oh how to live life more simply, to get rid of distraction, and focus on the important.
yet it doesn't stop me from owning oh... 7 black jackets? yeah,
maybe i should just sell it all,
not for the money, if i had to trade money for something i cared about, that would not be worth it. what i have to do is stop caring about this stuff.
http://www.ted.com/talks/jessi_arrington_wearing_nothing_new.html
ReplyDeletethat is what i think i ought to do
http://ejroundtheworld.blogspot.com/2011/06/violated-travelers-lost-faith-difficult.html
ReplyDeletegod this makes me feel sick inside.
the only solution i can find is to not have emotional attachment to anything.
i remember when i saw pictures of my room posted on craigslist as a sublet, 4 months after i had left for Australia, and the paintings had been moved around by the previous subletter, i became sick inside with fear.
I'm fairly sure things where just moved around and not taken. but the possibility of my stuff being rummaged thro had not crossed my mind. it makes me think of how i will have to set things up for when i leave for 2 years. I can not leave anything i think, that i truely care about in that house. but a storage until also seems unlikely, unnecessary. i want to ship things home to my dads, my mom's art. it is always this that scares me the most to loose.
especially since i have all her really good stuff up on my walls. but a fire. that would end it all.
i think that's all i would care about. a wonder how much a fire proof safe would cost? nah, they don't make them big enough for paintings,
i have to just make myself ok with loosing this,
just like i have to be ok with the possibility of being robbed on the road or even injury and death.
seems a bit of an extreme, but i have to be ok with this possibility.
ok, i'm going to think of less scary things now
Solution, I will drive my car filled with my most precious things down to California. It will include my mothers art. a few books i really care about, pictures, and some clothing. the balalaika (Russian guitar) and maybe some furniture, but I don't think so. the rest, well the rest is just stuff. Wow, that's crazy to think of. I will try to sell all my records, cloths, and sewing supplies.
ReplyDeleteI am letting go for the time being, the idea of being super crafty, musical, or fashionable. I will pick up these ideas again latter in life.